And Now for Something Completely Different!

As I arrived at Gandhi International airport I quickly realized that I was in uncharted territory. The inside of the airport is not that different from any other, save for the heat sensing camera that weeds out those who might have the H1N1 virus, but by the first step outside I realized I was in a completely foreign world. I found a taxi cab and after much misunderstanding explained to the driver where I would like to go. I put my things in the back of his 1950s Buick looking car and we were off. I had heard that driving in India was a great adventure, but it still doesn’t prepare you. Honking the horn is not something you do to warn someone or even to really signal anything, it just seems like something to do in Delhi. The driver laid on the horn every chance he could. It still didn’t stop him from hitting three separate vehicles as well as just pushing one out of the way. Seriously, there are these three wheeled half-motorcycle half VW bug looking cars all over. They are taxis, but that have a top speed of about 18 miles per hour and the sketchiest handling abilities I’ve ever seen. My cab driver, the Maverick that he is, came upon one that had broken down going over a speed bump so what does he do? If you answered slowed down a hair, touched bumpers, and pushed the guy out of the way, you are correct! In America, or most other places for that matter, this would have involved pulling over and exchanging insurance and all that, but the guy we pushed didn’t even give us a dirty look, just business as usual.

After nearly soiling myself several times thanks to my insane cab driver, I eventually got to my hotel around 4A.M. I was dead tired seeing as I hardly slept on my flight or on my 12 hour layover in Johannesburg, so I checked in and fell fast asleep. After my much needed 13 hours of sleep I ventured out into New Delhi.

I have to say that nothing could have prepared me for this city. There are hundreds of people asleep on the street, on hoods of cars, in piles of trash, the squalor is like nothing I have seen before. New Delhi is a full five sense experience. The smell is the first thing that gets you. A five minute walk down the street will treat you to the smell of corn cooking, human defecation, incense, dust, car exhaust, animals, and the ever pungent aroma of urine. It truly is impossible to quantify the array of scents because they come at you like pictures in a slideshow one after another, each one distinct and distinguishable. The smell matches up with the sights as there are street vendor after street vendor selling food from carts. I haven’t tried any street vendor food yet and I’m not sure if I will seeing as all the people I saw getting food from them looked like they were not in the best health. It may or may not be from the food vendors offerings, but I hedged my bets and steered clear.

The smell of urine is quite prevalent throughout the region I walked around and I found out why. They have urinals on the side of the road and not outhouses or bathrooms, the urinals are these little tile phone booth looking things. Imagine a phone booth without a door, just a three wall stall, with the one that you face having a five inch trench to pee in. These are all over, which, I’m guessing, is the culprit for the urine aroma. The best part is that the folks using them are carrying on while doing their business. I saw a guy eating a corn on the cob, another on the phone, and my favorite was this guy who was talking to his friend who was standing next to him. So much for keeping the code of silence in the restroom. I guess that isn’t that weird though, seeing as hundreds of people are walking by anyway.
Besides the sights and smells the next thing, and possibly the one that made me laugh the most, is traffic. The taxi ride in should have been a hint that driving is at one’s own risk here. The streets are occupied by city buses, cars, horse and cow drawn carriages, bicycles, those moped/VW bug looking things, and pedestrians all cramming into two lanes. For the most part it is a video game like environment where everyone is weaving in and out, but that works when you have a majority of people staying in line and being orderly. When everyone is jockeying to move up feet at a time you just have mass chaos with ridiculous amounts of horn honking. Driving is an art here, especially when you are driving a cow drawn carriage full of car parts. I witnessed a man driving a cow cross two lanes of traffic enduring countless horn honks only to get to the wrong side of the road and go into oncoming traffic, encountering even more horn honking. All the while he was on his cell phone. You just can’t make this stuff up people. Going into oncoming traffic seems to be the best way to get around the traffic that is going the right way. It is an interesting strategy that, even being from Los Angeles, I have not seen before. I don’t know if I will be bringing that tactic back with me to the States, but I’ll think about it. I guess I’ll have to observe a little more, maybe I’ll take some notes. In the mean time I will just watch my back while I dodge city buses and scooters. The scooters are the biggest challenge because they drive on the sidewalk when they feel so inclined, which is most of the time. I must say that the motorists and cow/horse pilots here are quite adept at not getting into serious accidents. I hope that is the case at least…