New Delhi Tour

I had to catch an 8 o'clock flight tonight so I decided to take a city highlights tour of New Delhi. I found a quaint little tourist information location and walked in. Many of the tourist information offices serve double and triple duty, such as a hotel, water filter sales, restaurant, the list goes on and on. I found one that was also a hotel. For some reason that was convincing to me that they were reputable. Most tourist agencies also have a "Government Approved" sign, which this one did, so in I went. I was greeted by five people and they were joined by three more that popped up out of nowhere. They all smiled and ushered me to have a seat and as all of them started talking to me at once. I spoke up, a little startled at the fact that I walked into an ambush of tour salesmen, and said that I was looking for a map of Delhi. This was the fourth tourist place that I had been into asking for a map and I told myself that if I had the same result, which was a blank stare then the guy taking out a map of all of India in Hindi the size of a cocktail napkin, then I would just bite the bullet and take a tour instead of trying to do it on my own. I got the same result, except the 50 some odd guys helping me decided to get a world map. I gave in and asked if I could book a city tour with them and they obliged me and shuffled me towards the best English speaker of the clan.

I asked him if I could book a tour of Delhi and he smiled and said, "we have a tour leaving in 20 minutes if you would like." I agreed and handed over my 350 rupees. I could have paid 200 rupees for the non air-conditioned bus, but seeing as the extra 150 rupees comes out to roughly $3, I decided to treat myself. As the bus pulled up I quickly realized that it was not air-conditioned. This was evidenced by the people hanging out the window sweating profusely. I was shuffled onto the bus by the 8 tourist booth workers, all of whom were on their cell phones and waving at me, assuring me everything would be ok. I went with it, hopped on the bus and away I went. On the bus there were about 6 workers, each one of them hopping on and off the bus as it was still moving, busy shuffling about and talking on their cell phones. This is wh

ile the bus is making a u-turn. At this point I still had no idea what was going on or where we w

ere going, or why it took 6 people, all on their cell phones, to get a tour going. The bus made it's u-turn, stopped, and the driver turned and pointed to me and pointed to the door. I grabbed my things and went out the door. Two cell phone using guys greeted me, asked me for my ticket, which I produced, then they nodded and walked away. There I was, no ticket, no tour, no idea of what the hell just transpired in the last ten minutes.

Then, about thirty seconds later one of the cell phone using guys appears, hanging out of a moving bus. He jumps off as the bus comes to a screeching halt in front of me. "Ok, we go now." Was all I got as I was ushered onto the new bus, which was air-conditioned. Everything was starting to come together. A few hiccups, but I was right where I wanted to be, on a city tour. The bus chugged away and we were off. As we pulled up to our first sight, which was the Indian Parliament, the tour guide started to talk. I couldn't understand him at first, which I was thinking had something to do with his accent, but then it hit me as I looked around the bus; I was the only non-Indian person in there, and the tour was all in Hindi. It never occurred to me to make sure the tour was in English. I was seriously the only non-Indian resident on the bus. At some of the attractions we went to they have a line for India residents and a line for foreigners (which is usually triple the price for residents) and each time I was the only one from my bus in

the foreigner line. I made the best of it, though. I laughed when everyone laughed, nodded when everyone nodded, hell, by the end of it I was paying more attention to the tour guide than everyone else, and I couldn't understand one damn word.

Luckily for me most of the things on the tour had signs with English subtitles or were so self-explanatory that I didn't need a tour guide. It was a small consolation, though. I wish I spoke the language. The tour guide said something that must have been really funny because everyone was laughing real hard and as they walked off the bus they were repeating it and laughing some more. I laughed, but I didn't know what the hell I was laughing at. If nothing else I became an expert at pantomiming in Hindi today.